Dispatch from Boston
I feel like I’m falling into myself. Dylan and I have been on the road, traveling North from Washington D.C., retracing the route that lead this little Laura to today. This is a gift, a perfectly timed opportunity: I’m moving forward, more than ever, and this moment has allowed me to look back.
Being here has recontextualized the places I’ve been, the person I was, the person I am. This has been easy to experience. This is a comfortable falling. An effortless shedding of what I’ve been holding onto: in my awareness the state of things has reached a greater clarity.
Turns out some things I thought I had weren’t actually mine, weren’t for me. Some things, some concepts, some people I left physically I’ve had to finally let go mentally too. It’s funny it took all these years: I had to go back to those places to understand it. I don’t know why I held on for so long, held out for something outside of myself to confirm that yes, the way ahead is indeed a way. Maybe not the way, but a way.
How deeply freeing: cosmically freeing, to see what my past really was, a beautiful pattern in the snow, melted and living only in my head. It is so easy to get caught up in our memories, in our perceptions of our experiences. It’s so easy to apply the filter of then to the moment that is now.
It’s so easy to want people you knew before to love you and see you for who you are now. It is so human to want to fall in love with the places you were over and over again. It’s so inevitable that things change, so bittersweet to understand fully how channels close and open. It’s a growing sort of pain.
This interlude away from my normal schedule, my work, my clients has reminded me to be a better teacher, a better healer, a better human. I am so grateful to all of you who have allowed me the time, space, and resource to be in this experience. I hope you’ll do the same for yourself.
We all need time away, or rather, in taking time away, we give ourselves the time we need to proceed forward. I have found that breaks, in every size, small, medium, and large... coffee, weekends, vacations… are critical to my health and well being. They are the foundations of my presence. When we learn that it’s okay to pause and assess, we let ourselves become more full in how we show up, how we come back, and how we get to where we want to be. For this reminder, in the form of travel, I am so deeply grateful.
This adventure has brought surprises too: I have learned that I’m stronger than I used to be. Growing up on the East Coast, I’d always found Manhattan to be loud, gritty, overwhelming, anxiety inducing. I used to only last a day or two before the overwhelming need to escape consumed my every function!
Now it feels like a home. I loved to be in such proximity to so many humans, so many different thought streams, energy patterns, bodies, illnesses, beauty, ingenuity. It felt like a broken in shoe, a slept in bed, a tree that I’ve peed on one hundred times. All I had to do was accept the experience. I suspect eating a high-fat diet helps keep me grounded too. (Although we did enjoy some bagels.) Either way, I can’t wait to dance with New York again. It was deeply refreshing to be around that much human.
Throughout the trip, Dylan and I have both been thinking a lot about equality, about the state of our interactions, the state of our nation. And upon this reflection, my usual sentiment holds ever more true: we are more the same than different. Unity is the way.
So I’m trying to see myself in the eyes of everyone I see here. Trying to see how we’re the same, not in our struggles but in our experience of being. I believe this is the way forward, the way of healing. It is the necessary first step to a better America and a better world.
I have, in these two weeks, made a special practice of challenging my belief in separation: anytime I notice myself in judgement of another I remind myself that this person and I are created equal. We are the same. It’s allowed me a great sense of personal ease in the face of a wide range of social, economic, and physiological function on display. But more importantly, it’s helped me really look at others. It’s encouraged me to see how I am contributing to the system I am in. Peacefulness starts in each of our hearts. If we want to carry it with us always, we have to be vigilant of its safety. We have to notice when we’re making ourselves separate from others, and try instead to find community and collaboration.
We’re heading home tomorrow, back to the West Coast, back to Fall, back to my wonderful friends, clients, family. Back, most excitingly, to my little fuzzball kitties. I’m excited for the season ahead - a chance to burrow into my work both in the studio and in my creative endeavors. I’m excited to make forays into the digital space (more on that soon). I’m happy to soon drink warm beverages and wear wool sweaters. I know winter can be a challenge for many, so I’ll be here to support anyone who needs it during the dark months ahead. Here, happy, ready, and with an open heart. All my love, always.